How Do I Reconcile the Disconnect Between My Understanding of Jesus with the Big 'C' Church?

This person spent years of their life doing and being what the big 'C' church taught and told them to, until one day they felt it didn't match up with who they understood Jesus to be. So now what?

(Titled, “Audience Questions,” this series on Perspective Shift is me doing a digital version of my favorite thing about live events: responding to people’s questions. Because as often happens, a person’s particular question has a way of illuminating universal questions that we are all asking. If you’re a Paid Subscriber and you want to Submit a question, you can do that here. Not a Paid Subscriber yet? Perhaps it is time.)

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The following question got asked by an audience member at my event in Iowa, “Why LGBTQ Affirming Christianity is NOT an Oxymoron.” I didn’t get a chance to respond to questions that evening, so I’m gonna answer some of them here!

AUDIENCE QUESTION

After years of basing my life choices, thought patterns and beliefs on what the 'big C' church told me was the truth (and even teaching it!) I began to see that what they said didn't really match up to who I felt Jesus was supposed to be. Finally after a LOT of wrestling I stepped back and left the church and everything associated with it (even my bible) because it feels confusing.

My question is, how do I not throw the WHOLE thing out? How can I reconcile 'big C' church and Jesus?

MY RESPONSE

First off let’s just start by naming how devastating that must have been (and probably still is) that you gave so much of your life energy toward a thing that turned out to be not what you ultimately wanted.

For what it’s worth, you’ve also just described a trajectory that many, many humans experience—whether having to do with church or not. This is part of where we get the whole “mid-life crisis” thing, because of just how common it is for people to spend the first several decades of their life climbing to the top of a ladder only to realize, once they’ve ascended, that it’s leaning up against the wrong wall.

So I want to both affirm your experience (painful, sad, at times infuriating) as well as normalize it.

In other words, this didn’t happen to you because you did something wrong, this is just a thing that happens.

Especially for people who grow.

For individuals with open minds and open hearts, those who see the value in transformation and maturation, there is really no other path than the one that grows out of and beyond the things it used to find security and comfort in.

And then I want to point out how incredible it is that you pursued honesty and integrity within yourself! Rather than bifurcating your being, and severing your internal convictions from your external realities, you opted for the way of integration. You noticed that deep inside you was a feeling of discontent and disconnect between the Jesus of your experience and the Jesus of (as you put it) the big ‘C’ church.

Well. Freaking. Done.

Guess what: many, many people have that experience, and many, many people repress and/or fight it. They know that what they’re participating in (religion, church, etc) is not representative of their core beliefs, but they do it anyway. I’ve seen that posture time and time again, and it doesn’t do much good for anyone.

But you? You chose the path of seeking alignment. Of pursuing wholeness. Speaking of “wholeness,” did you know that the Greek word in the New Testament for “salvation” is sozo? And did you know that sozo literally means, “to be made whole?” So part of what “salvation” is, part of what it means to be saved, is to be made whole. To have your parts integrated.

I know this might sound odd at first, but what if

you leaving the church, and

not cracking open your Bible,

is actually…

wait for it…

your salvation?

(Your mind might immediately object to this because you’ve been conditioned to hear “salvation” and think “go to heaven when you die,” but that’s why I wanted to point you to the word/concept sozo and how it means “to be made whole”).

So then, if it’s true that your path of salvation involved (required, even) that you made some difficult choices to allow the church and the Bible of your past to die, then how might that impact your question of, “how do I not throw the WHOLE thing out? How can I reconcile 'big C' church and Jesus?”

It sounds to me like there is a part of you, perhaps a latent part deep in your consciousness, that was conditioned to believe that “throwing out the church and/or the Bible” would be a bad thing. And since there’s part of you that (still) believes this would be a bad thing to do, it’s driving you to this question (aka, how can I NOT do it?).

But what if it’s not a bad thing?

What if we could remove the sting and extract that sense of shame? What if you gave yourself permission—for now, at least… you don’t need to make any long term commitments here, just for now—gave yourself permission to not do church or the Bible

and let that be okay.

And if that feels too much of a stretch, then re-read the above about how “salvation” is finding wholeness, and how your path to wholeness (ie, integration) has thus far looked like an invitation to align your internal convictions (aka, Jesus is not who I’ve always thought or been told) with your external actions (aka, pulling back from big ‘C’ church).

And then, finally, perhaps “reconciling big ‘C’ church with Jesus” might end up looking like, well, exactly what you’re doing now. Accepting that there appears to be a rather depressing disconnect between who Jesus was and what he was about and what he stood for… with… what so much of western/modern/American Church is and is about and stands for.

What if, for now, you simply let go of the (self imposed) pressure to reconcile Church with Jesus?

Let them be what they are: two very different things. Things that, sure, sometimes, in some places, for some people, do find connection and overlap. But for you… for now… they don’t.

And while that can be discomforting and sad and worth grieving, it can also be signpost toward liberation.

Remember, there was no such thing as church (let alone ‘big C church’) during Jesus’ lifetime, and people seemed to still be able to follow Jesus, learn from him, heal by him, know love because of him, and discover and experience God through him.

And so may it be for you.

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How would you respond to this question?

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