My Mushroom Journey to Healed Trauma, Less Shame, and More Love (Part 2: Let Go and Let Shroom)
When people ask why I did mushrooms the answer is rather uncomplicated. First of all, I needed an experience where I had to let go completely and trust someone else.
Last week I began a new series, My Mushroom Journey to Healed Trauma, Less Shame, and More Love, in which I share the story of how it is I came to do magic mushrooms in the summer of ‘22, and how it led me to know love deeper than ever before, let go of so much shame, and experience healing from trauma endured in my childhood.
I introduced you to my guide for the Journey, former progressive pastor Ryan Meeks, and set the stage for how one breakfast with him would change my life forever. Today I continue to share more about why I chose to do this Journey.*
In order to take the leap and do something as mind-blowing as mushrooms I knew it had to be with someone I trusted.
Actually, to be more precise, the only reason I even considered doing something like this—when I’d never before done any kind of drug—was because first and foremost I trust Ryan implicitly. Which, as I’ll explain, was key to the whole thing.
Over the years Ryan and I had loosely kept in touch and even gotten together a few times since he moved just 45 minutes north of me. On that particular May morning I drove up to meet him because their family was preparing to move (again) and Ryan had stacks of books on progressive spirituality that he thought I might find interesting.
Though our interactions over the years were infrequent, I loved spending time with Ryan. I always sensed a degree of authenticity buried at his core. No, that’s not right. Not buried… because that might suggest his authenticity was hard to find—and it most certainly was not. The guy is as genuine and true and honest as they come. So maybe it’s more like how Tony Stark has an Arc Reactor in his chest. In one sense, yes, it’s “buried” in there, but also it’s impossible to miss. It simultaneously animates Tony (giving him Iron Man powers), and it shines bright to any who are near.
Authenticity is Ryan’s animating core. Which helps explain why I’ve always felt so drawn to him. I’m an Enneagram Type Three, and most Threes crave authenticity because we find it so challenging to embody ourselves. When we see it in others we are both attracted to it (because we need it) and scared of it (because it puts in stark (😉) contrast just how in-authentic we ourselves can be).
I tell you all this about Ryan (about his history in ministry and his over-flowing authenticity) for a couple reasons.