Reason #3: Your Silence is Not Helping
Why come out of the theological closet? Because people are hurting, and being silent about it does not help alleviate the pain.
This is reason three of ten in my efforts to convince silently affirming pastors, leaders, and influences to come out of the theological closet and be clear in their inclusive theology.
Reason #3 - Your Silence Does Nothing to Stop the Pain
This next reason to go public is tricky because it’s easy to err in a few ways.
First, no one likes to feel at fault for someone else’s suffering. If it starts to sound like I’m blaming you for the fact that some folks in/around your community are being hurt then you’ll likely shut down and stop listening (I know I probably would).
Second, it’s also tempting (on the openly-affirming side) to fall prey to the common refrain that “silence is violence.” This (totally understandable) rally cry from many progressive-minded folks works great on picket signs and in comment sections, but it’s not really a sentiment that I agree with (at least not without lots of nuance and contextualization). So to the extent that you think that is what I’m saying here, it is not.
Silence isn’t violence.
Violence is violence.
And violence is typically the tip of the spear for ignorant beliefs and fear-filled prejudices.
Therefore I suggest it is bad ideas and bad beliefs that fuel harmful actions and create discriminatory practices, and those are the real villains here. The spears cause the violence. And ultimately, the thrower of the spears are responsible for the violence caused by harmful beliefs, not the ones quietly standing by while said spears are hurled.
That being said, what I think people mean when they say “silence is violence” is something more like:
Not speaking out and standing up against injustice does nothing to help the situation. If anything, it only helps to ensure that the status remains quo.
That’s why I phrase this reason as, “Your silence does nothing to stop the pain.” It’s less about blaming you for the suffering that LGBTQ people experience, and more about identifying how by not being public with your beliefs you are contributing to the acceptability of conditions in which the suffering occurs.
Sometimes I’ll tell my clients that what happened to you is not your fault, AND, your life is your responsibility and yours alone.
It’s easy to misunderstand me and think that I’m blaming people for the awful things that happened to them in the past, but clearly that’s not true. Instead, what I’m doing is trying to empower them for the present moment and for their future by telling them that they are the only ones who can make the kinds of choices in their life that will contribute to (or detract from) moving toward healing, wholeness, and flourishing.
In the same way, dear pastor/leader/influencer, while you may not be at fault for all the discrimination and oppression and suffering that LGBTQ people endure (in churches near and far), because you are a pastor at a church right now you are responsible for what kind of environment queer people in your community will experience if they attend your church.
If your church is non-affirming, then that environment is verrrrrrry likely one that doesn’t contribute to flourishing for LGBTQ people.
You remaining quiet on the issue will not make that any better.
Why go public with your affirming beliefs?
Because remaining silent does very little to make things better.
What do you think?
Does this reason have merit? Do you agree with it? Why/why not?
What would you add to this?
Feel free to share publicly (via comments) or privately (via sending me a message).
Help Spread the Word
If you’re like me, and you believe more people need to come out of the theological closet and be clear and public in their affirmation of LGBTQ people, then help spread the word by sharing this article either directly by emailing your people, and/or posting on social media about it.
Let’s get this in front of the eyes that need to see it!
It seems to me why pastors fear becoming affirming of gay people is because of the Christian history and doctrines and belief that homosecuality is a sin. That would be going against their conscience. You can't ask them to do that.