Reason #7: Options Abound for Non-Affirming Christians
Yes, people will leave your church and/or stop following you. But guess what, they have lots of other options! LGBTQ people and allies? Not so much.
This is reason seven of ten in my efforts to convince silently affirming pastors, leaders, and influences to come out of the theological closet and be clear in their inclusive theology.
Reason #7 - Options Abound for Non-Affirming Christians
Let’s say you’re a silently affirming pastor at a non-affirming church and one of your (very reasonable) fears is that people might leave your church if you speak out. Or let’s say you’re a silently affirming public person and you’re worried about the followers you’ll lose.
Can we workshop that for a second?
First, yes, you will lose members and/or followers. Why? Well, if you have not up to this point been public about your theology of inclusion then I promise you that many (most?) people assume you are non-affirming.
You might object: I’m not so sure about that, Colby. I write and talk about God’s love for all people. I constantly let my inclusive views inform what I say, even if it’s not explicitly affirming. I’m pretty sure most people could guess that I’m affirming.
Sorry, that’s now it works.
Unless and until stated otherwise, as a Christian (let alone a public one) it will be assumed you are non-affirming simply because the default, traditional, majority position is non-affirming. Unless a person (or church!) clearly states otherwise, the logical and reasonable assumption is that you hold the traditional perspective.
And not for nothing, but if you’re so sure that “people probably already know” you’re affirming, then what are you waiting for? Just name it. As Brene Brown says, “Clarity is kind.” Be kind to your people (not to mention, of course, the way that being a clear, public ally is the kind and loving thing to do for the LGBTQ community).
Getting back to the point…
You will certainly lose people when you get clear on this. I don’t want to minimize the pain you and them might experience. Pastors who have gone public and then moved their community toward inclusion have lost dear friends (even family!) in the process.
That hurts every time.
Public people (authors, influencers, etc) have lost significant numbers of followers, and even though that’s less painful (because they’re mostly all disembodied strangers on the interwebs), even still it can lead to loss of revenue, loss of opportunities, and exclusion by real-world friends, colleagues, and networks.
Again, this is hard and painful and I won’t gaslight you to believe you should feel otherwise.
But here’s what I’m getting at.
People who feel they need to leave your church if you come out as affirming, they have so many other options for faith communities. Same with people who will unfollow you, there are myriad other writers, speakers, inspiring-people-to-follow.
Options abound for most run-of-the-mill conservative Christians. Choosing to not go public with your beliefs because you’re worried people will leave is rational.
But thinking that if they leave your church then that leaves them with no church?
Not rational.
You know who doesn’t have a ton of options?
Yeah. Queer people (and their allies).
Since less than 10% of churches in America are open and affirming (and that number dramatically drops in more conservative areas of the country), LGBTQ people might only have one or two (or none!) options in their area.
Why go public with your affirming beliefs?
Because the people you’ll lose will have other options to get their needs met, whereas those who would benefit most by your speaking out currently have very limited options.
What do you think?
Does this reason have merit? Do you agree with it? Why/why not?
What would you add to this?
Feel free to share publicly (via comments) or privately (via sending me a message).
Help Spread the Word
If you’re like me, and you believe more people need to come out of the theological closet and be clear and public in their affirmation of LGBTQ people, then help spread the word by sharing this article either directly by emailing your people, and/or posting on social media about it.
Let’s get this in front of the eyes that need to see it!
I appreciate how thoughtful and respectful you are being in the way you are communicating with unaffirming pastors. You are doing it with gentleness and empathy which is so important. Well done.