When "Good People" treat others Horribly (but don't notice or care)
I've noticed that when strangers on the internet think/assume I'm gay, the vitriol in their comments goes way up. Here's why.
I’ve noticed something about mean people on the internet.
As you may know, when it comes to my work online I’m accustomed to my fair share of critics and naysayers, crybabies and muckrakers. And it’s fine, I’ve talked about that before, whatever.
But here’s what I’ve noticed lately: when strangers on the internet assume or think that I’m gay, the vitriol in their comments increases like ten fold.
Whereas most people disagree or pushback with some level of decency or civility, if the person on the other end thinks that I’m gay, they throw decency right out the window. They’ll use words and phrases and attacks that leave me speechless (oh, and yes, in case you were wondering, almost all these people claim to be Christian. So, that’s fun).
I remember writing about this phenomenon in my first book. It’s called, “infrahumanization.” A big word that basically means, if someone thinks another person is subhuman in any way, then they can treat that person like a monster and yet not have their own conscience be impacted.
In other words, our brains, when we think we’re dealing with a monster—someone not-quite-human—it permits us to uncharacteristically treat them horribly all while maintaining the belief of, “but I’m a good person who treats people well.”
And this is what our queer siblings have been telling us for centuries. Most of the vile that comes their way comes not from obvious “bad people,” but from self-professed good people who think that being queer makes a person subhuman, which then gives their conscience a blank check to cash all the disgusting and cruel comments they want… and they don’t even feel bad about it.
I just want to say—THANK YOU COLBY!!!
Thank you for standing up for my community. So many straight people are not inhumane when it comes to the gay community. They are tolerant. They are respectful. But they rarely FIGHT for us. I think that takes a really special type of person. I applaud you!!!
I APPRECIATE YOU!! We all do, I’m sure.
And Colby we NEED straight people to FIGHT along with us. It’s so easy for marginalized people to be ignored. But when straight white men stand up and point the finger at the establishment, it makes a difference.
These are desperate times. I’m scared for my future as a lesbian. I’m scared for my lgbtq+ family. Terrified!! Thank you for fighting with us. It helps
May you be blessed, Colby.
I hear what you're saying and I think it is tragic. I've also noticed that people feel comfortable on Facebook saying mean things to people they don't even know. I recently made (what I thought was a humorous) comment on a public FB post. Two days later someone wrote a reply accusing me of hating men, being a snowflake, and telling me I should find a safe place. I guess being called a snowflake at my age is a compliment, but being told to find a safe place felt like a threat. I clicked on this persons link and her FB posts were full of happy family celebrations. I'm guessing she was a nice person, but why she felt comfortable calling me names is a mystery. Somehow the impersonal nature of social media makes it OK to blast people.
Also, I've just finished reading John Pavlovitz book, "If God is Love, Don't Be A Jerk." Maybe more Christians should read it.
Thanks again for your thoughts, Colby. I don't always comment, but I love your perspective.