Why are We Obsessed with Judging People?
Even when we resist passing judgment, it's still a resistance. Meaning, we fight the urge.
I’ve often wondered if, when someone says they love “people watching,” what they’re really saying is, “I love the intentional act of passing judgments on random strangers.”
No? That’s just me? (cue Homer GIF, slowly fading into the bushes)
Or maybe it’s not even the random stranger judging we do, maybe it’s the gossip at work, or the piling on in the group chat about that one person we all know. We join in with others and share our opinions on so-and-so’s recent choice to _________.
Or perhaps it’s judging public figures: politicians, artists, athletes, influencers. We throw around terms like hypocrite, entitled, narcissist, self-absorbed, ignorant, and worse, like they’re end of year superlatives for the Yearbook.
Because here’s the thing, everyone judges people.
And though it may be an overstatement, I’d also propose that most people are pretty darn judgmental. Sure, some may be more restrained than others, or they may keep such judgments to themselves, but that only furthers my point.
Meaning, the initial reaction to pass judgment is so instinctual, so natural, that it’s not about judging or not judging, it’s about how do we handle the reality that we are judgmental people.
When I say that we are “judgmental” or when I talk about “judging people” here’s what I mean: To judge someone is to take the step beyond mere observation of their actions and draw a moral conclusion about that person.
It is saying, “They are _______” instead of “They did ______.”
To judge someone is to create a separation between me (the good/right person) and them (the bad/wrong person).
And we do this constantly.
In fact, we are so quick to judge that I imagine you hear someone say, “I don’t have an opinion on so-and-so,” about as often as you hear a politician admit they were wrong on something. (Even there, in my reach for an analogy, I resorted to a judgmental motif: politicians are people who don’t admit when they’re wrong).
Time and time again research from different fields have confirmed the existence of our judgmental instincts.
Before our reasoning mind can kick in (the one that helps us to consider factors like context, or choose to extend empathy) we have already made an emotional judgment about someone. We intuitively notice cue and clues from other people that signal to us if they are trustworthy. Further, research indicates that the more alike someone is to us (how they look, talk, and believe) the more likely we are to trust them. Inversely, the more different they are, the more likely we are to mistrust them and judge them as Other and unsafe.
Think about this, though. While we have modern day studies to help us articulate these judgmental instincts, and while we have various models proposed to try and explain why we are this way, what about those who lived 3,000 years ago? No doubt they observed the same kinds of things we do (Wow, we are judgy creatures, are we not!?), but they lacked the sophisticated methodologies and scientific tools to study such phenomenon. So how did they respond to such observations?
Instead they told stories.
More specifically, they told (what we now call) Myths, or Sacred Sagas. Stories intended to capture some of the deepest Truths a culture or tribe believed in. Truths to help future generations understand who they are and what their place in the world is. Stories that conveyed deeply held convictions about things like the gods, the cosmos, the natural world and so on.
Whether created by an individual or as a collaborative effort, some of the most lasting Sacred Sagas began as efforts to explain why the world is how it is, and why we are as we are.
Which brings me to the ancient Jewish myths as recorded in Genesis, specifically the Creation Stories found in Gen 1:1 - 2:3, and Gen 2:4-25.
These Creation myths do a ton of heavy lifting with regards to what the ancient Israelites believed about God (or, depending on your views on Inspiration, what God revealed to Israel about Himself). They also communicate a fair bit of anthropology—aka, what they believed to be true about humanity.
One such observation I’ve no doubt was painfully obvious?
Humans can be very violent.
Whether for protection, aggression, or both, humans have been shedding blood for as long as anyone can remember. By all accounts the ancient world was even more violent than the world we inhabit today, and that’s saying something.
Which had to have led to questions such as, Why, though? Why are we so violent? Why do people and tribes go to war?
Because we are (rather arbitrarily) divided between us and them. Our group is, obviously, the good-guys. And those ones over there—who look/act/think differently—are the bad-guys. Our own family/tribe/clan is trustworthy, but that one over there is not.
Okay, but why is that? Where do those beliefs come from?
Which takes us back to this natural, inborn instinct to judge. An instinct I have no doubt ancient people noticed just as clearly as we do today.
I can imagine ancient people sitting around a fire pontificating about where these natural desires to divide come from. These instincts that lead to mistrust of the Other, which leads to endless bloodshed and violence.
Why are we this way?
According to the story of Adam, Eve, and the serpent in Eden, one explanation is as follows: We don’t trust God to be the ultimate Judge. Instead, we seek to be the decider of who’s right and who’s wrong.
I know that some Christians view Genesis 2:15-17; and Genesis 3: 1-7 as The Fall, as the moment when sin entered the world and forever altered the supposed “perfect” humanity and creation. That’s not a view I hold.
As I explore in my upcoming book, reading this as a literal, historical account of something that actually happened is the least-likely-to-be-accurate way to interpret the point(s) of this story.
Rather, Eve and Adam eating of the forbidden fruit is not a story that happened one time many years ago. It is the story of what happens in all of our lives, every day, here in the present.
If you recall, God put Adam in the garden and gave him carte blanche.
Enjoy it all! God says. This is for you. Take care of it. Oh… except for… um, you see that tree there? In the middle? That’s the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Don’t eat that. You’ll die.
It’s as though God trusted humans with everything EXCEPT for the ability to know the difference between good and evil, right and wrong.
Kinda weird, right?
Wouldn’t the Creator want his creatures to know the difference between good and evil? Turns out, maybe not. Maybe God knew/knows that if we had that capacity then we’d royally screw things up.
Which obviously God was correct about.
Our endless history and cycles of violence and war are because we’ve never stopped judging others, creating lines in the sand, making good guys and bad guys, and deciding who’s right and who’s wrong.
I eat of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil every time I judge another person. Every time I declare them wrong and me right. Every time I make a judgement about their character or their personhood, I am entering that sacred, holy, dangerous space of judgment.
And that fruit, like God said, kills. It separates. It divides.
Adam and Eve didn’t trust God. They thought He was holding out on them, keeping for Himself this super special ability.
I do the same thing when I judge. I show my lack of Trust in God. I show my own shortcomings, my own immaturity, my own weakness. Because I believe that I can be like God and make the call: who’s good and who’s bad.
When Adam and Eve ate the fruit their eyes were opened (just like the serpent said, he wasn’t wrong). And what did they see?
The same thing they saw just moments ago: nakedness.
But this time, it went from “observation” to “judgment.” They were naked and they felt shame.
There’s something wrong ME, and there’s something wrong with YOU. Time to cover up.
Judgment kills, just like God said.
Yet we all do it. Or rather, we are all hardwired with software that has been programmed for millions of years to make judgments of the world and the people around us. These instincts are natural.
The move, then, is to notice when the instincts arise—that is the serpent, offering us the fruit. Do you wanna eat this sweet, juicy fruit of Knowing? You’ll love it! You’ll feel so good. You’ll feel so wise. You are, after all, the good and smart one here.
And then, when we notice the urge to judge, and we recognize the futility and danger of that path, we become free to choose a different way.
We can resist this natural instinct.
We can opt out of the judgment game.
We can, in a word, trust God. And what happens when we do that?
In the words of the prophet Jeremiah,
“Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose trust is the LORD.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.” -Jer 17:7-8
The tree of Judgment brings death. It’s fruit is division, fear, and separation.
But the tree of Trust brings life. The fruits of that tree are connection, compassion, kindness, unity, and love.
The next time the serpent tempts you to Judge?
Let go of the fruit, and choose to trust (God) instead.
Interested in Preaching a Series on Judging?
Recently I contributed a chapter to a new book from Westminster John Knox called, A Preacher’s Guide to Topical Sermon Series, edited by Jessica Kelley.
It’s a wonderful resource for preachers that provides 24 different plans for preaching series. The chapter I wrote is all about Judging: What it is, why we do it, when to do it and how to do it well.
Sermon series themes include: The Bible, Hell, Deconstruction, Sabbath, Technology, Judging, Inclusion, and more.
If you’re looking for a break from the Lectionary or just some fresh inspiration for your next sermon series, check out A Preacher’s Guide to Topical Sermon Series.
Upcoming Events: Atlanta, Palm Desert, San Diego, Denver, Boston, Detroit
Next week I’m heading to Atlanta to do an UnClobber Workshop on Saturday March 7th, and then Guest Preach at Lutheran Church of the Resurrection on Sunday March 8th.
Then I’ll be in Palm Desert, CA for an author event on Saturday March 21st, and then Guest Preach at Hope Church on Sunday, March 22nd!
After that it’s:
San Diego April 14-16 for the Episcopal Communicators Conference
Denver to preach on April 26 and May 10.
Boston April 28-29 for the Post Evangelical Conference.
Detroit to Guest Preach on May 31st, and an author event later that day.
I loved your take on judgement and judging, although I am the exception to the rule when it comes to people watching. I do like to people watch, but I don't do it in a judgemental way. I just observe, I just watch, but it comes more from a place of, "Oh, this is what it's like to be normal. This is how to start and hold a conversation..." It came from a place where I thought I was the odd one out