Thanks for sharing. I've definitely felt the "I'm not needed" feels at different times in my life. After my divorce. After leaving a church where I served faithfully. After my kids all grew up. After my parents died. Sending big hugs to you, Colby.
Thanks for sharing, Colby. My own journey into the abyss occurred not so much when I stopped being a pastor (like you say, that was kind of a relief), but when my daughter, the light of my life, went down the rabbit hole of drugs. She’s not using anymore, but the damage it inflicted left her non-functional, probably for life. How many ways can you blame yourself? Too many to imagine, I can tell you. Now I’m just a 70-year old working stiff with three college degrees, including a Ph.D. They’re just old pieces of paper to me anymore. Strangely, I find some comfort in not mattering anymore. Just a bit of stardust floating around. I got so tired of being the “sage on the stage.” Not that I don’t matter. I have good, supportive friends. I laugh a lot. But the pain never goes away, and it’s never going to go away. But I’ve become OK with that. A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. Many others have been down this road before with far fewer emotional tools than I have. If I can make it, and I can and will, it’s a calling. Jesus cry on the cross, “My God, my God . . .” was not a rhetorical question. We walk with him.
Not sure it helps much to say that a lot of people need your honesty, but there you go. Thanks for letting us know what you're going through. Transparency can be a form of shepherding, and a powerful one.
First Easter out of the church for me. I never thought I’d burnout but I did. I couldn’t budget and do buildings anymore. I did miss a lot but not all of what I’ve given up after 35 years. Thank you for being authentic. Your piece made me feel less alone and left out.
My heart breaks for you Colby... I so wish I could do something to help you. But i suppose a little friendly word is something at least. As a closet gay man in a conservative Christian bubble, I have found your book Unclobbered VERY helpful in my journey to accept who GOD made me. You and Mike Maeshiro on YouTube have been great supporters to me in a world that (at least the little world I live in) refuses to except that LGB and maybe even the T's and Q's as God designed people who deserve all the love and respect that anyone else does. Thankfully i don't have to hear too much homophobic rubbish in my community. But it does happen.
Anyways; thank you for what you have put out to help us who often have no other voice of encouragement or wisdom. You have been and are a light in a dark place at times. You give me hope. I only wish that in some small way I could do the same back to you. I only hope that this light can also help you too. Don't let your light go dim. Don't let your heart be discouraged. There is always hope. Just keep right on fighting for what is right. It will be worth it all one day.
Perhaps focusing on the One who suffered on Good Friday, was buried and rose, according to the Scriptures, and Who promises to make all things new, is how to find acceptance, purpose and direction.Pain in this life, along with distractions make nothing easy, but He has given His followers the ministry of reconciliation- another direction, hope, and goal.
Thanks for sharing. I've definitely felt the "I'm not needed" feels at different times in my life. After my divorce. After leaving a church where I served faithfully. After my kids all grew up. After my parents died. Sending big hugs to you, Colby.
Thanks for sharing, Colby. My own journey into the abyss occurred not so much when I stopped being a pastor (like you say, that was kind of a relief), but when my daughter, the light of my life, went down the rabbit hole of drugs. She’s not using anymore, but the damage it inflicted left her non-functional, probably for life. How many ways can you blame yourself? Too many to imagine, I can tell you. Now I’m just a 70-year old working stiff with three college degrees, including a Ph.D. They’re just old pieces of paper to me anymore. Strangely, I find some comfort in not mattering anymore. Just a bit of stardust floating around. I got so tired of being the “sage on the stage.” Not that I don’t matter. I have good, supportive friends. I laugh a lot. But the pain never goes away, and it’s never going to go away. But I’ve become OK with that. A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. Many others have been down this road before with far fewer emotional tools than I have. If I can make it, and I can and will, it’s a calling. Jesus cry on the cross, “My God, my God . . .” was not a rhetorical question. We walk with him.
Not sure it helps much to say that a lot of people need your honesty, but there you go. Thanks for letting us know what you're going through. Transparency can be a form of shepherding, and a powerful one.
First Easter out of the church for me. I never thought I’d burnout but I did. I couldn’t budget and do buildings anymore. I did miss a lot but not all of what I’ve given up after 35 years. Thank you for being authentic. Your piece made me feel less alone and left out.
My heart breaks for you Colby... I so wish I could do something to help you. But i suppose a little friendly word is something at least. As a closet gay man in a conservative Christian bubble, I have found your book Unclobbered VERY helpful in my journey to accept who GOD made me. You and Mike Maeshiro on YouTube have been great supporters to me in a world that (at least the little world I live in) refuses to except that LGB and maybe even the T's and Q's as God designed people who deserve all the love and respect that anyone else does. Thankfully i don't have to hear too much homophobic rubbish in my community. But it does happen.
Anyways; thank you for what you have put out to help us who often have no other voice of encouragement or wisdom. You have been and are a light in a dark place at times. You give me hope. I only wish that in some small way I could do the same back to you. I only hope that this light can also help you too. Don't let your light go dim. Don't let your heart be discouraged. There is always hope. Just keep right on fighting for what is right. It will be worth it all one day.
...
Thanks Colby. Thanks. Speaks to my own situation. Hugs brother.
Perhaps focusing on the One who suffered on Good Friday, was buried and rose, according to the Scriptures, and Who promises to make all things new, is how to find acceptance, purpose and direction.Pain in this life, along with distractions make nothing easy, but He has given His followers the ministry of reconciliation- another direction, hope, and goal.
When The Whisperer of lies hisses in your ear the Holy Spirit is ready for him.
Sounds like the person who needs you right now is yourself. Thanks for posting this... ❤️🔥🌹
I really appreciate your transparency and vulnerability. God bless you.
Yes, the feels are real. Touching post, Colby.🫶