In some ways my experience was the opposite. I was raised in the church, baptized on the eighth day--well, within a month of my birth. I was always around church and educated in Christian school. My ethnic (and religious) background emphasized the intellect, NOT emotion. We were not to be swayed by emotion.
Then came the charismatic movement of the mid '70s -- feeling the Holy Spirit move. I didn't feel anything.
In the 80's (my 30s), I was involved with more "charismatic" Christians. I like them. Their worship style of refreshing, moving. But I didn't "feel" the feel. I didn't "hear" Jesus or God speak. I didn't dream dreams. I felt "less than" those that heard and felt and had visions. Someone prayed for me once, laying on of hands. Afterward my friend asked: "Did you feel that?" What I asked. He told me of an electrical shock that seeming went from the priest, through me and "almost knocked him on his can." Nope, nothing.
I didn't get "healed from" the life persistent "sins" that troubled me. Today I don't see those things as sin anymore.
In all this, I was dedicated to God/Jesus. In high school and college I took classes preparing for eventual seminary training. I went to the youth conferences and experienced those highs, and served on a summer mission trip. In adult life I was involved in various forms of "leadership" and evangelism. Not sure I "brought" another to Christ -- but that's the job of the Holy Spirit, ultimately. Much of that is left behind now. I don't look to be moved in church, or have spiritual highs. I deconstructed (whatever that means), and just hope my minimal relationship with God/Jesus is enough. Weirdly, that feels like it's enough. Colby, thanks for asking good questions. D
So me, too. Leading worship from the piano, often with tears, with "I Love You, Lord" on repeat.. Worried that I hadn't "saved enough souls;" not studying on a Sunday with a final on Monday, because, you know, we have six days to study; and "witnessing" at surf beaches for a two-week "outreach"... and so much more. They were heady days when we got to be in "the center of God's will." and as a result "O how He loves me."
In some ways my experience was the opposite. I was raised in the church, baptized on the eighth day--well, within a month of my birth. I was always around church and educated in Christian school. My ethnic (and religious) background emphasized the intellect, NOT emotion. We were not to be swayed by emotion.
Then came the charismatic movement of the mid '70s -- feeling the Holy Spirit move. I didn't feel anything.
In the 80's (my 30s), I was involved with more "charismatic" Christians. I like them. Their worship style of refreshing, moving. But I didn't "feel" the feel. I didn't "hear" Jesus or God speak. I didn't dream dreams. I felt "less than" those that heard and felt and had visions. Someone prayed for me once, laying on of hands. Afterward my friend asked: "Did you feel that?" What I asked. He told me of an electrical shock that seeming went from the priest, through me and "almost knocked him on his can." Nope, nothing.
I didn't get "healed from" the life persistent "sins" that troubled me. Today I don't see those things as sin anymore.
In all this, I was dedicated to God/Jesus. In high school and college I took classes preparing for eventual seminary training. I went to the youth conferences and experienced those highs, and served on a summer mission trip. In adult life I was involved in various forms of "leadership" and evangelism. Not sure I "brought" another to Christ -- but that's the job of the Holy Spirit, ultimately. Much of that is left behind now. I don't look to be moved in church, or have spiritual highs. I deconstructed (whatever that means), and just hope my minimal relationship with God/Jesus is enough. Weirdly, that feels like it's enough. Colby, thanks for asking good questions. D
So me, too. Leading worship from the piano, often with tears, with "I Love You, Lord" on repeat.. Worried that I hadn't "saved enough souls;" not studying on a Sunday with a final on Monday, because, you know, we have six days to study; and "witnessing" at surf beaches for a two-week "outreach"... and so much more. They were heady days when we got to be in "the center of God's will." and as a result "O how He loves me."